Wanting the Best

Had dinner last week with some very old friends of mine.  (Not OLD in the age… just that I’ve known them a long time.)  They were neighbors of mine when I was very young.  I remember baking cookies with Carol, having Gene come over as Santa Claus, and standing in the window of my house waving at Carol as my mom talked to her on the phone, and more. 

I have many memories of these two – and in each and every memory what stands out to me are how genuine they are and how decent.  This was an important concept to me as a child, and still is.  For right or wrong, what you see is what you get with me.  I displise lying, and even when it’s in my best interest to do so, I’m not a good liar.  I’d rather have someone be gruff and rough around the edges, and be real, than pretend to be something they aren’t.

I suppose the reason I feel this way is because of my upbringing.  When you grow up in an alcoholic house, everything is fake.  With this addiction comes a lot of lying.  One parent drinks, and often times the other lies to cover it up.  They lie to their children, to their neighbors, and to themselves. 

Perhaps as a result, I’m like the human lie detector.  I’m very good at spotting people who aren’t being truthful with me.  Even with they tell me something good – I can tell when it’s not what they really mean.  This is something my husband finds charming – lucky for me!  He grew up with a similar situation – perhaps that’s why he says he finds me so “refreshing.” 

I think, perhaps, I’d be this way regardless.  I think it’s the way God made me.  Perhaps He made me this way so I could keep my wits about me growing up.  I don’t know.  What I do know is that throughout my life, He has led me to the very people I needed to be with.  This is the miracle He is. 

Carol and Gene moved from our neighborhood when I was still pretty young.  But I wrote to them.  I remember once writing a letter to just thank them for the nice memories I have of them.  It was something I needed during those turbulent years, although they couldn’t possibly have known that.  I doubt I even knew at that age.

Recently Carol asked me how I managed to turn out okay.  With my crazy upbringing, how did I not go completely insane?  I told her, “It’s all because of God.”  It is.  I don’t say this lightly.  When I was at my breaking point and needed someone to just be sweet to me, to be sincere, I had people here and there in my life to do that.  God brought them to me.  I had my grandparents.  I had people like Carol and Gene.  People who know your heart.  They understand your character.  They “get” you.  They pray for you.  Even if you don’t see them often (sometimes for years) they want you to be okay.  We can do so much in each other’s lives, just by wanting the best for each other.