Shifting the Focus

Have you ever had something happen, and think:  Now WHY did I have to go through that?  I’ve had that with many things.  So many questions I have about life sometimes! 

Like this, for example:  I’ve had a good amount of jobs over the years.  And each and every time I have left one, I think:  What was the purpose of THAT?  But with these jobs came many other things:  like friends.  Many of my closest friends are people I used to work with. 

At one place in particular, I met two very sweet people – both are friends now.  The place we all worked at had good people, but there were many things that just weren’t right.  People didn’t treat each other well.  People let their egos run amuk.  They made it okay to gossip and treat certain folks like dirt.  It just wasn’t a healthy place to work.  You know?  Like you’d come home from a day of that and somehow feel defeated.

Well I had enough one day and quit.  And then, one of my other friends did.  The other person left there kept praying for God to come into that office and make some changes!  And you know what?  He did.  But not in the way she expected.

After several years there she found out her job was “eliminated.”  However you want to put it, she was the one being let go.  She wasn’t let go because of job performance or anything that would have made sense.  Naturally, she was hurt and angry. 

A few weeks ago I had dinner with her and she told me something amazing.  I’m still blown away by it today.  She said on her last day she was asked to say a few words (to say goodbye), and what she said instead was that these people weren’t the ones doing this to her, that her life was in God’s hands.  For whatever reason, this is what He wanted for her and it was God she trusted. 

After all that hurt and anger, she managed to turn the attention away from herself, away from these managers who thought they knew everything, and instead turn the focus to God.  Even when I told her I found that incredible, she again turned the focus to God, and said He had given her the faith to do that.  She knows God has something new and wonderful planned up His sleeve for her next, and even though “not knowing” is scary, she’s excited about this next step.  All due to God. 

It works that way so often.  Yet, when we’re caught up in the details of life sometimes we forget who should get the focus. 

Wanting the Best

Had dinner last week with some very old friends of mine.  (Not OLD in the age… just that I’ve known them a long time.)  They were neighbors of mine when I was very young.  I remember baking cookies with Carol, having Gene come over as Santa Claus, and standing in the window of my house waving at Carol as my mom talked to her on the phone, and more. 

I have many memories of these two – and in each and every memory what stands out to me are how genuine they are and how decent.  This was an important concept to me as a child, and still is.  For right or wrong, what you see is what you get with me.  I displise lying, and even when it’s in my best interest to do so, I’m not a good liar.  I’d rather have someone be gruff and rough around the edges, and be real, than pretend to be something they aren’t.

I suppose the reason I feel this way is because of my upbringing.  When you grow up in an alcoholic house, everything is fake.  With this addiction comes a lot of lying.  One parent drinks, and often times the other lies to cover it up.  They lie to their children, to their neighbors, and to themselves. 

Perhaps as a result, I’m like the human lie detector.  I’m very good at spotting people who aren’t being truthful with me.  Even with they tell me something good – I can tell when it’s not what they really mean.  This is something my husband finds charming – lucky for me!  He grew up with a similar situation – perhaps that’s why he says he finds me so “refreshing.” 

I think, perhaps, I’d be this way regardless.  I think it’s the way God made me.  Perhaps He made me this way so I could keep my wits about me growing up.  I don’t know.  What I do know is that throughout my life, He has led me to the very people I needed to be with.  This is the miracle He is. 

Carol and Gene moved from our neighborhood when I was still pretty young.  But I wrote to them.  I remember once writing a letter to just thank them for the nice memories I have of them.  It was something I needed during those turbulent years, although they couldn’t possibly have known that.  I doubt I even knew at that age.

Recently Carol asked me how I managed to turn out okay.  With my crazy upbringing, how did I not go completely insane?  I told her, “It’s all because of God.”  It is.  I don’t say this lightly.  When I was at my breaking point and needed someone to just be sweet to me, to be sincere, I had people here and there in my life to do that.  God brought them to me.  I had my grandparents.  I had people like Carol and Gene.  People who know your heart.  They understand your character.  They “get” you.  They pray for you.  Even if you don’t see them often (sometimes for years) they want you to be okay.  We can do so much in each other’s lives, just by wanting the best for each other. 

Physical Miracles

What do you think about miracles?  Specifically, physical miracles.  Are they just tales from the Bible, but not really true today?  Or is it possible that God can heal people? 

Consider this story about Lions Quarterback Jon Kitna.  Kitna received sniggers for stating that one of his injuries was healed by a miracle. 

It made me think of a book I read years ago by former Green Bay Packer Reggie White.  (Sorry, Jon, I’m a Packer fan!)  White was called “the Minister of Defense” because he was a man of God as well as defensive leader.  He stated in his autobiography In the Trenches that one of his injuries was healed by God.  No one was sure they wanted to believe him, yet they didn’t want to ridicule him either.  (Being a big, tough guy can have that effect on people.) 

I believe God can heal people.  I think there are lots of things we try and explain with our limited knowledge that seem to defy explanation.  We try to fit all these great and awesome things in the world that we don’t quite understand into our frame of reference, rather than God’s.  Physical injuries are just one example.

The Last Word

A while back I posted about my fear of being photographed. A stupid fear, as fears go, but very real nonetheless. I’m not sure where the origins of this come from, and why I get a knot in my stomach every time I need to get out and promote myself, but all I know is it must be yet another thing God feels I need to get over!

And, well, He’s always right.

So I’m trying. More than “getting over” my fear I’m trying to put it in perspective. The whole reason I write is due to His grace. He gave me a gift for it and it has become a safe haven for me as well as a way to help others who might be struggling with the same thing. I want my writing to be about God and not me. I want to tell my story in a way that shows all He’s done for me so others can gain insight and a way out of the darkness of verbal abuse or alcoholism… or whatever it is they are struggling with.

So I saw the picture and post in this month’s M Magazine about me called “Poetric Justice.” It went along with another article on balance, and the healthy ways people keep themselves in good physical and mental condition. The picture, as I had feared, made me look like a deranged freak. I am frowning, and concentrating on my notebook so hard I look as if I will burn a hole into it. (Not to mention that the angle is most unflattering – taken from below and to the side where the only thing you can see is chin…. upon chin…. You know what I’m talking about ladies.)

I read the sidebar and as I feared, the post doesn’t seem to convey at all what I was trying to say. I wanted people to understand that the turmoil of my life in dealing with my dad was years ago. In the past. Done. Kaput.

And yet the article makes it sound as if I first decided last January to forgive and get on with my life. (January was when the book came out.) One of my “quotes” is:

“It’s kind of Christian.”

It’s not KIND OF Christian. It is Christian. The small, sound byte snippets they’d used condensed what I’d said down to the point that the real meaning got lost. I wanted to convey that all those years in struggle were in the past. That the bad situations I put myself into were in the past.

I was annoyed until I got to the last sentence:

“When you look at yourself as a child of God, you look at your place in the world differently.”

And suddenly I GOT IT. It didn’t matter that I looked like a goof in the picture, or that they’d quoted me wrong so I sounded disturbed. What MATTERED was the final word was about God. And to that I say: Amen.

Reader Views Review of Father’s Eyes

Thanks to Richard Blake at Reader Views for posting a review of Father’s Eyes on Amazon:

“Father’s Eyes” is the story of Cherie Burbach’s personal journey. It is a story of self-doubt, anger, isolation, and pain written in a poetic form. While grieving the loss of her father, as a result of suicide, Cherie writes of her feelings. She felt guilt for his illness and addiction, even as she faced the burden of his death.

As a child and young adult, Cherie struggled with the experience of living in an atmosphere of verbal and emotional abuse. Cherie was driven to live up to her alcoholic father’s expectations. Nothing she did would please him or bring a word of praise. Her longing for love was rewarded with loneliness.

Cherie’s poems are sensitive and insightful. They are flowing and rhythmic in style. These are deeply-thoughtful poems. Although elegiac in nature, the poems reveal a God- given spirit that keeps Cherie going in her search for love. Unbroken by the experience, she tells of healing as she discovered strength through God’s never ending grace.

In the poem titled “Read the Label.” Cherie relates another forward step in her surrender: “I read the label, passionate and honest I’ll take it. I said in fact, I’ll wear it out of the store. I handed the clerk my old skirt and told her I didn’t want it anymore. As I walked out I looked at the mirror one more time, and smiled.”

The poems bring to light Cherie’s growth and transformation from a woman of despair to a woman full of hope. She relates how she was able to accept forgiveness and guidance as she embraced life as a child of God.

While offering hope and comfort to those who have experienced similar abusive family relationships, there is a universal commonality that will touch the heart of all readers, allowing them to both identify and empathize with those grieving who need comfort and those downhearted who need encouragement.

Cherie has a demonstrated a remarkable gift of poetic expression in this haunting and promising account of her life journey, “Father’s Eyes.”

All She Ever Wanted Author Reviews Father’s Eyes

Thanks to T.L. Cooper (Author of All She Ever Wanted) for her recent 4-start review of Father’s Eyes on Amazon.com:

“In easy to read poetry, Cherie Burbach discloses her journey of self-discovery. Her poetry provides an insight into the journey we all travel to find who we are and who we want to be in life. At times uncomfortably familiar, at others entirely foreign, Father’s Eyes will engross the reader. Although Burbach found her salvation and the strength to accept and finally to be herself through religion, anyone who has struggled with a past beyond their control can relate to the pain, struggle, and ultimate strength found within these poems. Their honesty is heart breaking and yet hopeful. Emotional without being overly sentimental, Father’s Eyes is filled with poetry to touch the soul.”

Do One Nice Thing

Had a great time interviewing Debbie Tenzer from Do One Nice Thing recently. I logged onto their site a few months ago and instantly became hooked. They offer great, simple, suggestions on doing kind activities for other people. And here’s the secret: they ain’t that tough to do!

I loved hearing about how the site got started and what the two things Tenzer hopes people come away with after visiting their site. Take a look – I dare you to log on and NOT become inspired.

Any Soldier

Hey guys, if you’re looking for a great site to find out how and where to send cards and care packages to Soliders, check out this one.

Night’s and Weekends Review of Father’s Eyes

Thanks very much to Nights and Weekends for their review of Father’s Eyes:

Verbally abused by her alcoholic father (who ultimately committed suicide) and suffering from a lack of self-esteem, Cherie Burbach began writing poetry when she was young—but she eventually threw her work away, fearing ridicule. After her father’s suicide, however, she began keeping her writings.

Father’s Eyes, Burbach’s latest collection of poetry, is divided into sections: The Struggle, The Search, The Surrender, and The Embrace. When taken individually, each section reflects the stages of the author’s life. The book, when taken as a whole, clearly represents the evolution of her life from victim to survivor.The book’s first poem, “I Am,” is a short, dark poem about her father’s refusal to see her for who she really was. Many of the poems in the collection address her dead father and her feelings toward him.

The poem “Father’s Eyes” (the very last poem in the book) demonstrates the moment when Burbach, a devout Christian, realized she wasn’t just the child of an alcoholic, but more importantly a child of God—and that her faith would always give her the chance to start again.

Though I did find the first part of the book depressing, as I continued to read on, I could see the changes taking place in Cherie’s life through her absolute faith in God. I admire Cherie Burbach for her bravery in confronting
her demons and the darkness of her life. The ability to do it through poetry is an effective therapy. Readers may very well find inspiration in her work.

Midwest Review of Books Review of Father’s Eyes

Thanks to the Midwest Review of Books for featuring Father’s Eyes as a reviewer’s choice in their Wisconsin Bookwatch section.

“Wisconsin poet Cherie Burbach uses verse to chronicle her evolution as a Christian woman who, as a girl, grew up the daughter of an alcoholic father, who had to struggle with self-destructive patterns, and who was able to eventually understand that she is a child of God.

In the pages of “Father’s Eyes”, Burbach presents more than fifty poems that, taken collectively, reveal an autobiographical influence while illustrating through the power of carefully crafted language just what can be
accomplished in even the most difficult of circumstances with the love of God.”

Read the rest of the review here.